Dad Fathers
Dad Fathers
 |
 Biker Dad Daddy Father Guardian® Motorcycle Biker Ride Bell  US $9.80
|
 Baby Boy Father Dad Guardian® Motorcycle Ride Bell US $9.80
|
 Baby Girl Father Dad Guardian® Motorcycle Ride Bell US $9.80
|
Fathers Day is Often His Worst Day
Father's Day, June 15, is almost here. It's a unique day when millions of dads are treated like kings and honored by their kids with expressions of love, respect and admiration.
There's no denying the need of a father in a child's life, and nowadays there are lots of different labels for dads; step dad, divorced dad, single dad, Mr Mom dad, gay dad. What they all have in common is a positive impact on their kids' lives in terms of increased self-confidence, a strong sense of well-being, self-control, and success in school. While a small portion of deadbeat dads ruin the reputation of many, we would hope that these absent fathers could be around for their kids.
But it's also true that over 90% of fathers believe that being a dad is one of the most fulfilling jobs a man can have. While celebrating Father's Day, we offer some suggestions on two of the most common blended family dads: the step dad and the divorced dad. Step Dads There may be a lot of confusion about the role of step dad because even though, as male head of the household, he has important financial and physical responsibilities, he cannot assume that he has those identical rights and responsibilities over his step kids. He's not the biological dad and that distinction often causes tension, especially when he has every good intention of being a supportive husband and provider.
Conflict may arise in any number of ways:
1) the kids may resent his influence because they feel so close to their biological father;
2) their mother may decide he's too hard on her kids, critical of her parenting skills, or unbalanced in his treatment of her kids and his own; or
3) he may feel anger and irritation about his wife being disrespected by her kids or by being ignored or discounted himself. Any way you look at it, these circumstances result in friction in the family and arguments between the couple. Issues like these are the major reasons for second marriages failing more quickly than first marriages.
Following are some fundamental guidelines for step dads who may be struggling to establish their role with their step kids:
1. Keep in mind that your role is to support your wife in parenting as a mentor, coach, or friendly uncle. Take it slowly, and eventually, when mutual trust and respect has built up, you may develop a stronger, more active role with everyone's support.
2. Work towards being unified as a couple, which means not only loving and respecting each other, but communicating clearly about household responsibilities, family budget, expectations of behavior, methods of discipline, and the role you play in defending her decisions. Her job is to define boundaries for behavior and decide on consequences, and your role is to support her and remind the kids what their mother asks of them. A weekly Family Meeting is an effective way of clarifying behavioral guidelines and getting recurring issues out in the open for discussion and resolution.
3. Be aware of unrealistic expectations by researching ways to be an effective step dad. And, remember, it takes a lot of time, patience, understanding and sensitivity to help the family move towards mutual affection, trust and connectedness.
4. Schedule an enlightening coaching session with a professional blended-family coach to help the step dad in your family cope with some of the issues and challenges he may be facing.
Divorced Dads Father's Day for some divorced dads is not a very happy day, especially if they are not close to their kids physically or emotionally. There are many contributing factors to why divorced dads find themselves pushed to the side and are apparently unwanted in their child's lives: geographical distance because of work, remarriage, or divorce poison where the children's mother has carefully alienated the kids from their father with the intention of eliminating him from their lives. Dads may feel discouraged but they must always remember just how important they are as they guide, teach, and show love and support to their kids, even from far away.
Following are some basic guidelines for Divorced Dads:
1.Try to act like grown ups with your child's mother for the sake of the children. Come to terms on a visitation plan and a co-parenting plan. Kids are more interested in you getting along so they can enjoy both their parents, without worrying about your specific issues with each other.
2.Kids thrive on structure. The most effective way to create consistency is to agree on a parenting style with mom and try to replicate it at your house. If that can't be done, set up your own rules and expectations of behavior and acknowledge that, even though they are different from mom's, they are important.
3. Avoid being Uncle Dad or Disney Dad with non-existent boundaries, and inconsistent discipline; this leads the kids to believe you are a peer and best friend and not a responsible parent guiding a child. This type of parenting results in disrespect, emotional blackmail, and eventually, kids who develop behavioral problems, since they have no respect for authority.
4. Schedule a very helpful professional coaching session with a blended-family coach who may help you gain new insight on the issues and challenges that you face.
For dads dealing with the agony of parental alienation or Divorce Poison, log on to our Ask the Expert tab and listen to www.blended-families.com expert, best selling author and parental alienation authority, Dr Richard Warshak.
About the Author
Sheena Berg is a blended families coach for Blended-Families.com. She enjoys contributing to their free stepparenting advice newsletter. You may want to bookmark their Blended Family News MySpaceTV Channel.
WEBMASTERS:
Use of this article requires the links to remain intact.